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Wednesday 4 July 2012

Loss.




Do you have a friend with whom you just clicked as soon as you met? Where you did away with all of the long winded palaver involved with 'getting to know you' and just cut to the chase? I do. But I had to find her in France. Nicole was waiting for me at the school gates of the Espondeilhan ecole maternelle where her daughter and Tobes were in the same class. Because she is English, we were able to start chatting and have continued the conversation ever since.

Words cannot express what a phenomenal friend Nicole was to me and my family in France. She has an incredible generosity of spirit and largesse that is so seldom found, in any country. When I met her, she had recently married a Frenchman from a nearby village and even more recently experienced the premature birth of her baby boy. She was able to fill me in on how the whole 'having a baby in Beziers' thing worked. A subject close to my own heart as I was pregnant in a strange country and quite honestly, scared.

Nicole made me see that I didn't need to fly home early and that I could have a baby.....in French and that it would be OK. For that I am so grateful. She leant me her maternity clothes and made my hospital appointments, as she speaks French like a Biterroise. By this stage my schoolgirl French was twenty years old and even though I had waded through various Adult Education French refresher courses, they hadn't focussed on gynaecological terms. My French was so bad that at our first visit to our obstetrician (who didn't speak English, of course) he spoke to me and then left the room. I turned to my husband and told him 'I think he just told me to take my underpants off' to which he helpfully replied 'You want to be sure that's what he said'! See what I'm saying?

Nicole is also legendarily great fun as she has joie de vivre which is infectious. Oh the fun we had, trawling vide greniers and trocante shops for second hand treasure and spending entire days at her table over lunch. She may be English yet she has fully assimilated herself into her adopted French community - no expat only life for her. She was only to happy to share her experiences, friends and family with us and most of our happiest memories from our time away involve her, her gorgeous husband and two adored children.

As I write, my wonderful friend Nicole is preparing for the funeral of her little boy at the same church in Pouzolles where he was christened, two years ago. She found him drowned in their swimming pool on Thursday. A tragic accident. Nicole and Olivier, in the darkness of this Tasmanian night we have lit a candle in memory of your beautiful William, we hope that you can see it flickering from where you are.

Rx

14 comments:

  1. Oh Romy. The horror. Goosebumps here. What a ghastly loss. I really feel for you and especially them. Words fail me. J x

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  2. Oh no. The heartbreak. Thoughts and prayers for Nicole and Olivier, for all of you. Emma

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  3. Romy I am devastated to read this. How awful. There is nothing worse than the loss of a child. I wish your friend courage and strength. How absolutely tragic xxxx

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  4. Romy, I haven't used my google account for a long time, but wanted to comment on this one...hope I manage to get it to work. What a beautiful, heart felt post on such terrible news. I can't begin to imagine. We lost our 2 year old niece last year. Devastating. It was the event that hastened our travel to NSW to be with family. Nicole is very lucky to have you and your support. Hugs to you. Emma.

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  5. Sending love compassion and heartfelt prayers for your friend and her family. What a tragedy! xxx

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  6. So very sad for you all.... :(

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  7. Romy, I responded to your comment over at my place but I still can't get the sadness of this out of my head. Still sending love and strength...

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  8. What a beautifully written piece, Romy, with such a sad, sad ending. I think everyone who has read your thoughtfully written and articulate blog will hug their children and loved ones a little tighter today... Thoughts are with you and your loved ones here and in France.

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  9. Thank you so, so much to everyone for your beautiful, heartfelt comments. Rx

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  10. At first I thought your beautiful expression of friendship was to end in it's loss, particularly based upon your post title. The tragic reason is so heartbreaking. The loss of any child, regardless of circumstances is so very sad. My prayers and thoughts are with both Nicole's and your family.
    x KL

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  11. I'm so very, very sorry. This must be so difficult for you to be so far away from a friend at such a terrible time. You have written a beautiful tribute to your friendship and to her tragic loss. Thinking of you all. x

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  12. Oh, my heart goes out to your friend.

    I am so sorry.

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  13. That is just so devastating - I can't even begin to imagine your friend's pain.

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  14. I agree with the others. A beautifully written piece about a terrible, terrible time. I do hope Nicole and her family are okay. Please let them know our thoughts are with them.

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I LOVE hearing your thoughts! Rx